There comes a time when two people are alone and there will be a silence.
maybe because -
1) theres really nothing 'new'
2) you don't know this person very well
3) you know this person too well
whatever the reason.
we will always try to fill this silence with small talk about the weather, tv shows and mutual friends.
I'm not sure why, but for the life of me, i can't small talk. i fail at small talking. this is especially true with girls. i feel really awkward around girls as is. its even worse when i have to small talk.
My brain is filled with obscure questions/topics that i want to bring up but don't for obvious reasons.
" what do you think about toads ? "
" why is it so wrong to want to have a relationship with an animal or an inanimate object? "
" how come you always look away when you make a joke? "
so i end up mentally crossing out the non-pc topics.. and cull it down so its more gender appropriate to end up with something like
to a female :"so... i like your hair. its nice today."
Now. i've come to the bit where i need to explain Things that matter, and things that don't.
As much as i hate small talk. its still a neccesity and most people recognise this so they will carry on the small talk until you both feel more at ease. This Matters.
There are other people who, for whatever reason feel that its neccessary to go beyond the realm of politeness that is Small Talk and go into this other sphere that makes everyone extremely awkward. I'm sure you know what im talking about. i guess traditionally they are called 'conversation killers'. This Doesn't and Shouldn't Matter.
Let me explain using an event that happened to me recently.
me - " so your hair looks nice... "
" er. ive had this hair for the past 2 weeks, i can't believe you didn't notice it last week, you never remember whenever i change my appearance. why is that? "
me - "............................................"
Things that matter
a person taking time out to think of something nice to say to you.
whether they mean it or not, they made the effort to fill that silence that we all dread so much.
it could have easily turned into a conversation about where you go to do your hair and a funny anecdote or two about a bad hair experience, and some laughs. if we all tried to be a little nicer and more forgiving (so what if they have a bad memory?), the world would be a more loving place. sure, some may argue that a lot of these compliments are 'fake' or whatever but the intention is good. and thats enough.
Things that don't
turning something positive into a negative.
life is way too short to not love and be loved.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Peculiar preferences
I have come to realise that there are many things that i don't really like, that most other people seem to love. (note: don't like doesn't mean hate and most others doesn't mean all)
and vise versa in the sense that i like and/or care deeply about things that others may find mundane or uninteresting.
I have made a list.
Things i like
1) Lists
2) Getting emails
3) Bread clips
4) Free postcards
5) Rodents
6) Junk mail
7) Trailors and Ads before a movie
8) Grocery receipts
9) Alliteration
10) Really lame jokes
11) Puns
12) Awkward geeky guys
13) Snails
14) Second-hand things
15) Non-fiction literature
16) Canned food
17) Robert Smith
18) Public transport
20) Loose change
Things that i don't like
1) Kittens
2) Horses
3) Dolphins
4) Peanut Butter
5) The Presets
6) Cashew Nuts
7) Chicken Breast
8) Jaegermeister
9) Muscular guys
10) Girly girls
11) Paintball
12) Christianity
13) The colour pink
14) Brands
15) Asian peace sign
16) Pork Buns
17) Megan Fox
18) Babies
19) Super bleached white blonde hair
20) Huge sunnies
Thats all i can think of at this moment.
and vise versa in the sense that i like and/or care deeply about things that others may find mundane or uninteresting.
I have made a list.
Things i like
1) Lists
2) Getting emails
3) Bread clips
4) Free postcards
5) Rodents
6) Junk mail
7) Trailors and Ads before a movie
8) Grocery receipts
9) Alliteration
10) Really lame jokes
11) Puns
12) Awkward geeky guys
13) Snails
14) Second-hand things
15) Non-fiction literature
16) Canned food
17) Robert Smith
18) Public transport
20) Loose change
Things that i don't like
1) Kittens
2) Horses
3) Dolphins
4) Peanut Butter
5) The Presets
6) Cashew Nuts
7) Chicken Breast
8) Jaegermeister
9) Muscular guys
10) Girly girls
11) Paintball
12) Christianity
13) The colour pink
14) Brands
15) Asian peace sign
16) Pork Buns
17) Megan Fox
18) Babies
19) Super bleached white blonde hair
20) Huge sunnies
Thats all i can think of at this moment.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Friends like these
The best friend
Growing up I've always had a best friend.
I like having a best friend. Someone i can trust and talk to about everything.
One way or another they've always managed to eventually put other things in front of our friendship and either screw me over or we drift apart.
1st best friend (X) - My parents decided to migrate toAustralia
2nd best friend (M) - We met in year 4 and shared the same passion for Sailor Moon. We had our own group that consisted of other Asian girls who had recently migrated toAustralia Australia
Everyone voted.' That summer i spent my lunch times alone. I was 10.
3rd best friend (S) - My family decided to move again to be closer to my father's job so with one term left of year 6 i changed schools. Not the worst thing they've ever done to me but its definitely top 10. I was in a new school and everyone already had their own groups. What to do? Hang out with the younger kids of course! S was in the year below and we often caught the bus together. We quickly became best friends. Even when we were at different High Schools we managed to catch up every weekend. Come puberty and hormones and she very quickly became obsessed with an older family friend. He was 18 at the time and she 14. This obsession was so intense that she would convince me to skip school with her to either spend time with him or so we can walk past his house and stare into the windows. ( I now know that is called stalking but at the time i just thought she was a very dedicated crusherererer). Slowly and surely she was drifting away from me. She occupied her time by fantasising about various real and/or celeb crushes and desperately wanted a boyfriend/to lose her virginity. I had no issues with that as i pretty much wanted the same thing. (STUPID STUPID! i look back now and realise how lucky i was that i was a geek and wasn't too good at attracting guys.) One day she decides to tell him that she loved him. He pretty much reacted in a way that any normal 18 year old would react and said that she was too young for him. This made her mad and she was convinced that he was 'cheating' on her. I hated seeing her upset so being the stupid best friend that i was i managed to hack into his email account and read his email. From his address i sent her an email saying that there was nothing there and that he was a big fat idiot etc. 2 days later. I get a text message from him which went along the lines of 'if you ever do anything like that to me or any of my friends again. i will fucking kill you. you fucking bitch'
OMG OMG? WHAT? HOW DID HE KNOW? I sat on my bed in shock. I phoned S right away and she blamed C (girl who is one of the guy's best friends). Long story short we drifted apart after that. It wasn't until a couple of years ago that i find out through C that S had told the guy what i did. She thought that by being the 'goodie' he would trust her more and fall in love with her. How that logic worked is beyond me. It still makes me mad just thinking about it.
Current best friend (J) - She transferred to my high school in year 10 and i befriended her as i knew what it was like to be alone. She left shortly after year 11 but we kept in touch until now. A couple of year ago she started a relationship with her manager at work. They were in love and 2 months into the relationship she moved in with him. Her family basically disowned her for that. He had promised to take care of all financial arrangements as she was still a full time uni student and we all know its difficult to balance work with study. 4 months in, they get engaged, their rent increases as the landlord decided that with another person in the house they can all pay more. he tells her she has to start paying for rent as he has a lot of debt. Her social life dies. She is exhausted all the time from study and having to work more than 20 hours each week just to pay rent. I tell her that its what he promised so she shouldn't have to pay anything. She gets annoyed at me and we have been on and off ever since. Now i rarely see her as she says that 'We don't like people' and would rather play WoW with her fiancé.
So yeah. Now I pretty much don't believe in best friends anymore.
The group of friends
I've always thought that my high school friendships shouldn't have an issue with falling apart simply because we'd spent so much time together.
Recently it seems that its happening. ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
After high school ended i always organised things to try and catch up with 3 of my closest friends I, S and L. They don't live very close to me so that makes things even harder.
'I' lives the closest to me atm. She never replies to my emails, txts or phone calls. But i always invited her to things. She has a habit of cancelling last minute and not letting you know.
Last straw: Back in January i invited to see a concert in May and she said she would definitely be there. I know how she is with dates so every month i would remind her that she still needs to confirm payment and to ask her whether she is sure she wants to go. So far its been Yes YES YES ILL BE THERE LOOKING FORWARD TO IT YAY etc. Last week, i email her about an unrelated issue and on the side ask her whether she can pay up soon (it is a v expensive ticket). She writes back 'no i think i'll give it a miss. Every time i think about paying for it, it reminds me of how pov i am'. I was furious. This is a girl who has had a full time job for the last 2 years. I write back a long ass email with the basic jist as - 'You can't keep doing this. Its only basic courtesy that you let someone know when you are NOT attending an event so at least they can sell the ticket. I'm sick of it'. She has yet to reply, but has been all over failbook answering quizzes and commenting on photos of herself.
'S' moved toEngland Sydney
Last straw: How did i find out she was back? I saw her. I was out with a friend in the city and i fucking saw her. I was shocked. She was talking on the phone and my light went green so i didn't go to say hi. When i got home i send her an email asking her whether she was back inSydney sydney
'L' moved tomelbourne
Okay she lives further away from the city than me so she could easily just hop off the train earlier, which is way easier than to have me drive up. i txt back again 'ok sounds good, can u hop off at my station?' i tried her again saturday afternoon day-of to tell her that i'd be leaving at 6pm to go to a party so if she is any later then i can't see her. Last Straw: It is now Monday - still no call.
I don't get what is going on with these people and i don't think i ever will.
Needless to say I’ve given up.
Have i lost faith in friendship? Yes and No.
Yes - by my experiences outlined above
No - I've had people genuinely care about me, who I’ve only met once.
Growing up I've always had a best friend.
I like having a best friend. Someone i can trust and talk to about everything.
One way or another they've always managed to eventually put other things in front of our friendship and either screw me over or we drift apart.
1st best friend (X) - My parents decided to migrate to
2nd best friend (M) - We met in year 4 and shared the same passion for Sailor Moon. We had our own group that consisted of other Asian girls who had recently migrated to
Everyone voted.' That summer i spent my lunch times alone. I was 10.
3rd best friend (S) - My family decided to move again to be closer to my father's job so with one term left of year 6 i changed schools. Not the worst thing they've ever done to me but its definitely top 10. I was in a new school and everyone already had their own groups. What to do? Hang out with the younger kids of course! S was in the year below and we often caught the bus together. We quickly became best friends. Even when we were at different High Schools we managed to catch up every weekend. Come puberty and hormones and she very quickly became obsessed with an older family friend. He was 18 at the time and she 14. This obsession was so intense that she would convince me to skip school with her to either spend time with him or so we can walk past his house and stare into the windows. ( I now know that is called stalking but at the time i just thought she was a very dedicated crusherererer). Slowly and surely she was drifting away from me. She occupied her time by fantasising about various real and/or celeb crushes and desperately wanted a boyfriend/to lose her virginity. I had no issues with that as i pretty much wanted the same thing. (STUPID STUPID! i look back now and realise how lucky i was that i was a geek and wasn't too good at attracting guys.) One day she decides to tell him that she loved him. He pretty much reacted in a way that any normal 18 year old would react and said that she was too young for him. This made her mad and she was convinced that he was 'cheating' on her. I hated seeing her upset so being the stupid best friend that i was i managed to hack into his email account and read his email. From his address i sent her an email saying that there was nothing there and that he was a big fat idiot etc. 2 days later. I get a text message from him which went along the lines of 'if you ever do anything like that to me or any of my friends again. i will fucking kill you. you fucking bitch'
OMG OMG? WHAT? HOW DID HE KNOW? I sat on my bed in shock. I phoned S right away and she blamed C (girl who is one of the guy's best friends). Long story short we drifted apart after that. It wasn't until a couple of years ago that i find out through C that S had told the guy what i did. She thought that by being the 'goodie' he would trust her more and fall in love with her. How that logic worked is beyond me. It still makes me mad just thinking about it.
Current best friend (J) - She transferred to my high school in year 10 and i befriended her as i knew what it was like to be alone. She left shortly after year 11 but we kept in touch until now. A couple of year ago she started a relationship with her manager at work. They were in love and 2 months into the relationship she moved in with him. Her family basically disowned her for that. He had promised to take care of all financial arrangements as she was still a full time uni student and we all know its difficult to balance work with study. 4 months in, they get engaged, their rent increases as the landlord decided that with another person in the house they can all pay more. he tells her she has to start paying for rent as he has a lot of debt. Her social life dies. She is exhausted all the time from study and having to work more than 20 hours each week just to pay rent. I tell her that its what he promised so she shouldn't have to pay anything. She gets annoyed at me and we have been on and off ever since. Now i rarely see her as she says that 'We don't like people' and would rather play WoW with her fiancé.
So yeah. Now I pretty much don't believe in best friends anymore.
The group of friends
I've always thought that my high school friendships shouldn't have an issue with falling apart simply because we'd spent so much time together.
Recently it seems that its happening. ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
After high school ended i always organised things to try and catch up with 3 of my closest friends I, S and L. They don't live very close to me so that makes things even harder.
'I' lives the closest to me atm. She never replies to my emails, txts or phone calls. But i always invited her to things. She has a habit of cancelling last minute and not letting you know.
Last straw: Back in January i invited to see a concert in May and she said she would definitely be there. I know how she is with dates so every month i would remind her that she still needs to confirm payment and to ask her whether she is sure she wants to go. So far its been Yes YES YES ILL BE THERE LOOKING FORWARD TO IT YAY etc. Last week, i email her about an unrelated issue and on the side ask her whether she can pay up soon (it is a v expensive ticket). She writes back 'no i think i'll give it a miss. Every time i think about paying for it, it reminds me of how pov i am'. I was furious. This is a girl who has had a full time job for the last 2 years. I write back a long ass email with the basic jist as - 'You can't keep doing this. Its only basic courtesy that you let someone know when you are NOT attending an event so at least they can sell the ticket. I'm sick of it'. She has yet to reply, but has been all over failbook answering quizzes and commenting on photos of herself.
'S' moved to
Last straw: How did i find out she was back? I saw her. I was out with a friend in the city and i fucking saw her. I was shocked. She was talking on the phone and my light went green so i didn't go to say hi. When i got home i send her an email asking her whether she was back in
'L' moved to
Okay she lives further away from the city than me so she could easily just hop off the train earlier, which is way easier than to have me drive up. i txt back again 'ok sounds good, can u hop off at my station?' i tried her again saturday afternoon day-of to tell her that i'd be leaving at 6pm to go to a party so if she is any later then i can't see her. Last Straw: It is now Monday - still no call.
I don't get what is going on with these people and i don't think i ever will.
Needless to say I’ve given up.
Have i lost faith in friendship? Yes and No.
Yes - by my experiences outlined above
No - I've had people genuinely care about me, who I’ve only met once.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Etiquette
I went out last night as a friend's date to one of her friend's birthday dinner. I had only met this friend of mine once before, and had no idea who the birthday girl was. So basically it was a table full of strangers. We all chatted during the meal and it was a great loud mess of a conversation.
After dinner we decided to go clubbing and all sort of paired off in our journey there. I made conversation with this guy and we found out we had loads in common.
At the club we kept on chatting and he even asked me about my taste in films. The twist in this story was that a few hours in he asked me how i was getting home. i revealed that i was to get a train and then my boyfriend/fiance was to pick me up from the station. Pretty much after he found that out, he turned to the other girls at the table and introduced himself and started to talk to them.
Okay.
is it just me.. or was that fucking rude?
so .. alright, you have zero chance of scoring with me, but how fucking obvious was that transition?? maybe I've been out of the 'dating' scene for too long or what ever constitutes being single means, but that to me was downright shallow.
I am disgusted and i feel like i can't chat to another male stranger without flashing the ring and going 'hey just letting you know that i'm attached, so if you want to walk away please do it now and leave me with a bit of dignity instead of later when i actually start to like you.'
I'm dearly hoping that this is just an one off asshole guy and not everyone is like that. It was just that i hadn't been out in ages and ages and he ruined the fantastic evening that i was having up til then.
The things that are making me feel better at the moment is venting in this blog, thinking about how lucky i am to have my friends and my fiance, and how Karma will get him later...
After dinner we decided to go clubbing and all sort of paired off in our journey there. I made conversation with this guy and we found out we had loads in common.
At the club we kept on chatting and he even asked me about my taste in films. The twist in this story was that a few hours in he asked me how i was getting home. i revealed that i was to get a train and then my boyfriend/fiance was to pick me up from the station. Pretty much after he found that out, he turned to the other girls at the table and introduced himself and started to talk to them.
Okay.
is it just me.. or was that fucking rude?
so .. alright, you have zero chance of scoring with me, but how fucking obvious was that transition?? maybe I've been out of the 'dating' scene for too long or what ever constitutes being single means, but that to me was downright shallow.
I am disgusted and i feel like i can't chat to another male stranger without flashing the ring and going 'hey just letting you know that i'm attached, so if you want to walk away please do it now and leave me with a bit of dignity instead of later when i actually start to like you.'
I'm dearly hoping that this is just an one off asshole guy and not everyone is like that. It was just that i hadn't been out in ages and ages and he ruined the fantastic evening that i was having up til then.
The things that are making me feel better at the moment is venting in this blog, thinking about how lucky i am to have my friends and my fiance, and how Karma will get him later...
Saturday, October 25, 2008
attraction
I noticed that..
i like women like men
and men like women.
what i mean by that is that i tend to find traits that are typically associated with one gender attractive in the opposite.
eg. Ambitious, decisive, logical females and thoughtful, sensitive, creative males.
obviously, this isn't always the case as i can be an emotional psycho and the littlest things could make me adore or loathe a person.
But as much as i hate the gender binary, stereotyping and 'social norms', this seems to be the general rule with me.
i like women like men
and men like women.
what i mean by that is that i tend to find traits that are typically associated with one gender attractive in the opposite.
eg. Ambitious, decisive, logical females and thoughtful, sensitive, creative males.
obviously, this isn't always the case as i can be an emotional psycho and the littlest things could make me adore or loathe a person.
But as much as i hate the gender binary, stereotyping and 'social norms', this seems to be the general rule with me.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
tattoos...
so i got my robert smith tattoo today. finally.
when i was in the shop i started chatting with a couple of the girls who were waiting.
They were both platinum blonde, pixie cut, with a piercing each (nose and lip).
Girl A was the one wanting the tattoo and girl B was there accompanying her but also wanting a tat.
Girl A showed me this butterfly design that she drew up herself.. a lot of people get butterflies because they look nice.. so fair enough i'm not going to have a huge go at her.
Girl B is who i will focus on.
1) she is underage
2) she wants something just because her friend is getting one, but hasn't thought about it
3) she wants an 'asian' symbol so that no one knows what it means, so she doesnt have to be so particular about the design.
4) her neck is the only place she wants it done.
issues
1) she is underage
2) she doesn't know what she wants
3) i can read some chinese and ive seen heaps of shitty 'asian' symbol tats, that say Spirit instead of God, Heat instead of hot, evil instead of female etc etc. language is a powerful thing. Don't fuck with it if you are not sure what it means! I tried to talk her out of it so she pointed to a symbol on the wall that had 'wild' written under it and asked me if thats what it meant. i took a look, and it was the symbol for 'Sex' as well as 'colour'... .. she giggled with her friend about the notion of sex.. and girl A told girl B she should totally get it.
4) later, she also said to me "hey i could get a star behind my ear!... or a nice band thing on my arm!"
sure or a giant penis on your stomach!? or a bowling ball on your foot!
tattoos are forever. its not worth it if you are going to get one for the sake of having one. i personally find it insulting.
you have a brain. use it.
when i was in the shop i started chatting with a couple of the girls who were waiting.
They were both platinum blonde, pixie cut, with a piercing each (nose and lip).
Girl A was the one wanting the tattoo and girl B was there accompanying her but also wanting a tat.
Girl A showed me this butterfly design that she drew up herself.. a lot of people get butterflies because they look nice.. so fair enough i'm not going to have a huge go at her.
Girl B is who i will focus on.
1) she is underage
2) she wants something just because her friend is getting one, but hasn't thought about it
3) she wants an 'asian' symbol so that no one knows what it means, so she doesnt have to be so particular about the design.
4) her neck is the only place she wants it done.
issues
1) she is underage
2) she doesn't know what she wants
3) i can read some chinese and ive seen heaps of shitty 'asian' symbol tats, that say Spirit instead of God, Heat instead of hot, evil instead of female etc etc. language is a powerful thing. Don't fuck with it if you are not sure what it means! I tried to talk her out of it so she pointed to a symbol on the wall that had 'wild' written under it and asked me if thats what it meant. i took a look, and it was the symbol for 'Sex' as well as 'colour'... .. she giggled with her friend about the notion of sex.. and girl A told girl B she should totally get it.
4) later, she also said to me "hey i could get a star behind my ear!... or a nice band thing on my arm!"
sure or a giant penis on your stomach!? or a bowling ball on your foot!
tattoos are forever. its not worth it if you are going to get one for the sake of having one. i personally find it insulting.
you have a brain. use it.
Friday, September 5, 2008
You don't know
i'm angry. because i just saw this girl's msn's name.
it basically says R.I.P. to Mark Priestly and wishes that he gets forgiven for what he has done. What she is referring to by 'he has done' is the fact that he committed suicide. Her last nick name was something along the lines of 'we won't miss people who commit suicide for it is their loss not ours''.
Priestly was an actor on All saints, and lost his battle to depression. She has no right to say that he needs to be 'forgiven' and she has no right to talk about it like its his fault. Lady, you don't know what its like to want to die, to feel like your heart is being pushed in, every second of the day. He definitely will be missed, by his family and friends, by his fans, by anyone who is in his life. Depression is something that you possibly will never experience or understand so you have no fucking right to talk about it. 'What he has done', is taken his life in his own hands, literally, and decided to end it because he would rather die than to live in pain.
I don't encourage suicide and i don't think it is fair on people who love you, but i do believe that its the last and only option for many. perhaps they are the brave ones?...
You don't know.
So don't fucking judge.
it basically says R.I.P. to Mark Priestly and wishes that he gets forgiven for what he has done. What she is referring to by 'he has done' is the fact that he committed suicide. Her last nick name was something along the lines of 'we won't miss people who commit suicide for it is their loss not ours''.
Priestly was an actor on All saints, and lost his battle to depression. She has no right to say that he needs to be 'forgiven' and she has no right to talk about it like its his fault. Lady, you don't know what its like to want to die, to feel like your heart is being pushed in, every second of the day. He definitely will be missed, by his family and friends, by his fans, by anyone who is in his life. Depression is something that you possibly will never experience or understand so you have no fucking right to talk about it. 'What he has done', is taken his life in his own hands, literally, and decided to end it because he would rather die than to live in pain.
I don't encourage suicide and i don't think it is fair on people who love you, but i do believe that its the last and only option for many. perhaps they are the brave ones?...
You don't know.
So don't fucking judge.
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